The difference between Blighty and Seff Africa

I have had the privilege to live in both England and South Africa and France for a bit actually, but I don't relish rehashing stories of France where I went from being a skinny 48kg Diesel jeans clad innocent teenager to being quite literally an enormous 68kg sexually tainted croissant of a teenager.

So after living in London and JHB and CT respectively let me enlighten you first on the similarities of the countries:

1a.) They both love cricket
1b.) They both have twats as cricket captains (even England has an SA captain that Kevin whatshisname)
2.) They both love Rugby even though SA wins the World Cup more
3.) They both are slightly disdainful of those other antipodeans, the Kiwis and Aussis because they are really, like common and full of convicts
4.) They both like South African girls (well some at least)
5.) It rains the same amount in Newlands and London every year (supposedly)
6.) South Africans are starting to get more into soccer post World Cup, let's just hope the chav fans don't follow suit
7.) They both work on the metric system thankfully
8.) They are both significantly class divided societies
9.) The TV advertising is equally bad

Now for the differences:

1.) The sun shines in JHB, it pisses with rain in England
2.) In JHB West Highland Terrier Dogs are white, in London they are brown with filth
3.) In JHB your skin is less spotty but more leather - like in appearance, in London you're more dirty but have youthful, alabaster skin
4.) The UK has a queen, SA has lots of queens
4b.) SA has a president from the bundu and the UK has a prime minister who went to Eton
5.) You get biltong in JHB and black pudding in the UK
6.) 'Just now' in SA means 'in a bit' in the UK
7.) A 'Monkey's wedding' is met with perplexed faces in London, someone thought I was talking about an actual monkey's 'willy'
8.) In SA there is road rage, in the UK there is tube rage, road rage, cycling rage, walking rage, bus rage you name it
9.) The teenage boys' deodorant is Ego in South Africa and Axe in the UK
10.) In SA people don't really take taxis, in the UK no-one is scared to get in a black taxi
11.) In SA we have 'Seattle Coffee Company' in London they have the real deal 'Starbucks'
12.) It's called soccer in SA and Football in England
13.) London's Hyde Park is exactly that, an enormous park filled with horses and daffodils, JHB's Hyde Park is filled with cougals and cars
14.) In SA we have hands on staff on a fulltime basis, in England you have a Polish maid once a fortnight, if you're lucky
15.) In SA good schools are private, in the UK they are public
16.) In SA, the chicks and guys are...hotter than the UK!
17.) In JHB, you have to get on a flight to East London, in London you pop on the tube and are in the heart of Shoreditch
18.) In the UK you drink diet coke, in SA it's Coke Lite
19.) In the UK everyone looks at you strangely if you ask for a 'Rock Shandy' in SA it's the most thirst quenching drink around
20.) I think there are more South Africans in SW London (especially Earlsfield) than Brits...